What’s the “Perfect” College Major For Your Personality Type?

It’s often written/implied that temperament is a good indicator of talent. That’s not necessarily true. It’s a good indicator of what we like to do. Needless to say, the more we like something, the more inclined we are to do it more often, thus increasing the chance that we’ll actually become good at it. And then there are those assholes who are just born with transcendent talent. Well good for them. For the rest of us not blessed by angels or dipped in sacred fire, finding what we like to do is definitely a good place to start developing our talents. And there’s no place better than college —actually, there probably is, but let’s ignore that for the sake of this article—to really delve into your passions, i.e. those things you sacrificed at an early age along with all of your old He-Man toys. But what should you major in?

Personally, I think a person should be able to study whatever the hell they want without their major being judged on its future financial viability—a term that sounds more like something out of The Gold Digger’s Handbook—by somebody who only thinks they know better because they read some random article on US News and World Report (which begs another question: what do college rankings have to do with a report about the world? Are there really people in Zimbabwe who care where Vanderbilt ranks on a list of medical schools East of the Mississippi?) I mean, you have the rest of your life to be miserably caged in a cubicle and manacled to a paycheck. College is four years—for some of us even longer…so don’t waste it learning about something that doesn’t inspire you or, at the very least, interest you. ‘Cause no amount of keg stands can wipe away the vapid inanity of intellectual serfdom. Time to get your learnin’ on!

The Stag (ESTJ) – Business/Economics

You already like telling people what to do. You might as well get written permission for it.

The Beaver (ISTJ) – Engineering

Computer science is also a possibility here, but mechanical or civil engineering is probably the preferred choice. No one is ever going to call you lazy or worthless when you’re building a BUILDING…just unoriginal.

The Elephant (ESFJ) – Psychology

Like people? Yes! Like gossip? Yes! Like talking—or complaining—about people’s problems? Yes! Like a career in therapy? Hmmmm…your job doesn’t really have to do with your major, does it?

The Bear (ISFJ) – Biology

All future doctors, nurses, and health practitioners line up here—except potential surgeons (you can take your golf clubs and fishing rods and scroll down a couple paragraphs).

The Fox (ESTP) – Marketing

If you feel inclined to apply for college, and if you feel inclined to go, then, after a few years, if you finally feel inclined to decide on a major without the help of a six-sided die, this is probably where you’ll end up.

The Shark (ISTP) – Kinesiology

In all honesty, you’d probably enjoy attending any number of trade schools (culinary, mechanical, etc.) about a hundred times more than a university. But if you do decide to take classes with a syllabus and a list of books you probably won’t read, this major is your best bet (unless you want to be a surgeon, which, in that case, means you better be ready for four excruciating years of pre-med, voluminous tome-reading torture).

The Peacock (ESFP) – Theater Arts

You were born for the theater! Actually, you were probably born to be a terribly irritating improv kid with attention issues and a loud, boisterous voice.

The Butterfly (ISFP) – Industrial Design

Art (visual or fine) would be your first choice, but let’s face it. You’re kind of a pushover, and you listened to your parents when they told you that even though you can draw one mean sketch, it might be better to study something more “practical”. Take heart, there’s always graphic design!

The Dolphin (ENFJ) – Education

You. Will. Love. This. Major. You’ll also probably fall in academically platonic love with nearly all of your Dolphin professors, of whom there will be many.

The Giant Panda (INFJ) – English Literature

This major will probably annoy you in two ways: 1. You’ll probably already have read most of the assigned readings for the first year—you remember those days in high school delving into the classics because you were different (better?) than your classmates. 2. The last three years spent reading—and buying!—an amount of books that would fill most small town libraries will drive you to totally despise, quite possibly, your favorite pastime. Just another love-hate relationship in your life…

The Baboon (ENFP) – Journalism

Poor Baboons. So many interests. So little focus. This is a total shot in the dark that’s mainly aimed at the minority of you who can focus their academic energies for more than a minute at a time. It’s a major for those who want to change the world with their voice, or at least become a hardened cynic through the effort.

The Humpback Whale (INFP) – Philosophy Art

You have philosophy major written all over you. Actually, more like, philosophy major that switches to art when they realize that majoring in philosophy is more about accumulating tons of knowledge than arguing about Kierkegaard over coffee and cigarettes.

The Killer Whale (ENTJ) – Political Science

If you want to have an impact on the world, you first need to understand the machines that govern its people. Considering that Killer Whales are the “CEO type”, you might think business would be your first choice. But if you’re being honest with yourself—and the nice thing about you guys is that you don’t need a truth serum for that—business is far too “lightweight” (your word—or at least one that I attributed to you) for someone with your intellect.

The Spider (INTJ) – Computer Science

The boringest of the animals gets the boringest explanation. This major was tailor-made for you guys and gals, though what does it say that my calling you the “boringest” probably irritates you less than my ignoring the spell check on my Microsoft Word (I still appreciate you designing that software for all of us newbs!)

The Chimpanzee (ENTP) – Physics

What other major allows you to learn how to blow things up without fear that the Feds might be watching? Hmmmm…they’re probably still watching. Chemistry is also an appealing major for Chimpanzees, but sitting in a lab mixing fluids doesn’t seem to have the same potential for academic panache and presentation as designing a cool ass space ship.

The Owl (INTP) – Philosophy

You always wanted to know everything. Now you can go to school for it—without all those high school trivialities like prom, the glee club, jocks, drama kids, and people in general. For Owls, what could be more interesting than thinking about the way societies think without having to actually ask someone in those societies? Your penthouse in the ivory tower awaits.