5 Pros and 5 Cons of Dating an INTP Female

Written by Colleen Nevins

The INTP is one of the rarest types among the 16 Myers-Briggs Personality types. To be a female INTP is even rarer; only 2% are women. If you find one, cherish her, because we are inconceivably unique and out of the ordinary. Here are some pros and cons of dating us INTP females.


We are fiercely independent. Therefore, we are not needy and do not like to restrain, or otherwise control you. You will be free to be you. We accept you, flaws and all, because once we’re in a relationship, we’re very loyal and committed. We do not like mind games. If you are the game playing type, an INTP female is not for you.

We are very simple and low maintenance. We don’t expect the best of the best. Who can complain about that?

We are excellent problem solvers. No problem is too big for us to solve. We love solving them. It really excites us.

We are creative and imagining things is like a drug to us. We are always coming up with new ideas, so we will always have exciting things to talk about and do.

We are always reading and learning. We are like walking encyclopedias, and of course, knowledge is power. Dating us will not only make you smarter, it will make you more powerful. See, that was supposed to be funny… to highlight our quirky sense of humor.


We can be detached and unavailable emotionally, and lost in our own private world. So we might not be able to realize your emotional needs outright.

We are spontaneous, which is another way of saying that we’re not very structured, and that could cause problems for those of you who are.

We dislike small talk, so we will disengage and drift off into space with maybe a nod and an occasional “yes” or “okay”, to let you think we are paying attention.

We have an underlying fear of commitment because we fear being controlled, so it may take some time for us to commit when dating us.

This next one could go either way, although for us INTP females, we would consider this a pro. It is next to impossible to lie to us because of our extraverted intuition and our ability to recall and analyze; we can pick out any inconsistency in a story.

About the author

Colleen Nevins

Colleen Nevins is an editor with two quirky introverted teens and a preteen. She loves to read non-fiction and self-development books in her free time as well as write poetry. She is currently working on a memoir that chronicles her relationship with an alcoholic, and how she came out looking at life in a whole different perspective. Follow her on Twitter @INTPCHICK


  • Bill Mack says:

    I got really excited after ready this article, then I realized actually FINDING an INTP women is like searching for the Lost Ark. It’s out there somewhere, but probably not where you expect and if you find it, chances are it won’t be in your presence for long.
    Needless to say, I’m conflicted in my initial response. I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman of this profile type. It was comforting to hear a woman’s take on what I go through. Thankso for sharing.

    • I just met an INTP female (a new co-worker). She agreed to take the MBTI, and when I scored the test I literally froze as I’d not expected the result and had never to my knowledge met a girl of this type before. I had to explain my shock – she thought the test showed her to be nuts or something – but she ‘got’ it straight away. This promises to be a really intriguing working relationship!

    • Colleen Nevins says:

      I have an article on finding an INTP female. You’re welcome.

      • Where’s the article? Can you provide a link?

    • Hi, INTP female here. We exist. Yay!

    • I’m an intp female. I’ve honestly felt “different” my entire life. This is a very accurate description of us.

      • Damn you just read my mind … I always thought I different too ..because I had a lot male friend and sucks at dating and long term relationship… I just enjoy be alone..

    • Ashley Pinto says:

      *raises hand* INTP here.

      • Haha, I exist along side y’all, INTP female here too! Yas!

    • Latasha Capers says:

      I am a female intp And this is very accurate.And I definitely agree.I didn’t realize how rare I was but I definitely believe it

  • Lowdown&Dirty says:

    “We are not needy and do not like to restrain, or otherwise control you.”
    Precisely! I imagine it’s exhausting to police another person and to coerce and manipulate them into behaving in what one deems “appropriate” ways. Also, gross! Who would want to? On the surface it seems as though it would be far easier to be honest with your expectations and remain open with your significant other about how you feel, but I’ve found that most fellas look upon this as some kind of trap, like I’m hiding womanly machinations up my sleeve.
    Pass, guys.

    Sometimes gentlemen callers keep asking for my opinion when I’ve tried as gracefully and obviously as possible to avoid giving it. (Not graceful, very obvious) Then I get punished with venomous looks and out-of-context references to it after I figure they’re big boys and give my opinion as cleanly as possible. We like you how you are or we wouldn’t be dating you; please don’t pick your worst feature and ask what we think of it cut off from the rest of you.

    “It is next to impossible to lie to us because of our extraverted intuition and our ability to recall and analyze; we can pick out any inconsistency in a story.”
    Also true! I’ve never been able to pick out why– and trust me, I’ve worked at it– but it’s been true since I was a wee thing. Hopefully you won’t feel like you need to lie to me. What with all this truth going on since forever, I’m pretty pragmatic and tolerant of eccentricities.

    Plus, I understand the need for alone time. No urge to merge going on. Even if it means you’re building model airplanes while I’m setting out chipped flint limaces for my Paleo frame, we’re doing our own stuff together. Or apart. Whatever. Not really sweating the jealousy because… why? Would getting hysterical change your mind about our relationship? If you don’t want to be with me, it’s okay to go. It’s part of being a person. Just have the cajones to tell me before you cheat, not after, and I’ll respect you for it.

    I will never go through your stuff.
    I will never go through your stuff.
    I will never go through your stuff.

    And finally, I won’t make you watch insipid rom-coms or shove bridal magazines in your face. I won’t drop hints about tying the knot. I will probably edge quietly away, should the topic present itself, because as Colleen pointed out, I have a deathly allergy to being controlled and I consider my word binding. So how about a couple of nice adjoining duplexes?

    The Pros and Cons of Dating, From an INTP Female

    • I love what you just said…the breath-takingly true, everything you said. Nice adjoining duplexes would be great opposed to living with them. LOL.

  • Spot on!
    Some of us INTP chicks love being controlled by J Types , but only if the J males are reliable and trustworthy,more importantly they are not being manipulative. Otherwise,we lNTPs will immediately withdraw ourselves from their lives. Perhaps, our willingness to submit is also due to our indecisive nature.

    • Agreed, but I wouldn’t term it as “being controlled.” That sounds like I’m in a Fifty Shades of Grey novel. I’m in a long term relationship with an INTJ. I think it’s more that the INTJ makes decisions that I’m comfortable with so I don’t have to bother as often (like you basically pointed out). Also, they’ll readily accept a good argument for not doing something if I happen to object.

      • Well, it varies from one INTJ to another INTJ. Personality is not an Automat. That, is where understanding and compromise arise. I’m not even talking about other factors, include hormonal imbalance and sexual area here, little lady!
        Take note, it is more than just INTJ to make an idea of an INTJ. Personally, l find Fifty Shades is the worst abuse flick l have ever seen. So, l hope you double-check, turn 180 and should watch more movies like Fight Club instead of chick flick. You need to use different perspective. My INTJ boyfriend is not your INTJ- challenged boyfriend.

      • I’m in a relationship with an intj too. 17 yrs now.

        I’m not sure many other personality types could survive with an intj long term. They don’t tend to be understanding or easy people.

        I did find that things went better when I consented to all of the household clocks being set to the same time. I rather enjoyed the uncertainty but apparently this quirk of mine is not shared by j types.


        • I am an INTP female who married and INTJ – He must have been 90 % J and I 90% P and it drove me insane. He had to alphabetize our spices, he had 1000 record albums sorted first by Genre then Name then Year and god forbid there were two in a year he sorted by how much they would be worth. I could never play one because I may not put it back correctly. He even had a very specific way of loading grocery items on to the belt. If we planned a few errands we had to stick ONLY to those errands and NOT do anything that wasn’t already planned even if it was convenient. He ended up dying fairly young but I would never be with a J again.

        • INTP chic says:

          That’s funny. I too have all my clocks set to slightly different times. When setting them, I will get to the correct time and then press press press an unknown amount of additional minutes 😀

      • Arysta,

        Control simply means the power to influence. It’s a bit over the top to jump straight to defining it as Fifty Shades of Grey “BDSM”. Are you sure you’re an INTP? You sound a little bit like an ENTJ right now lol

    • Oreirra, I agree. I think it’s due to indecisiveness as well. When you consider the amount of time we spend solving all the problems of the universe in our heads, constantly playing out multiple scenarios as if it’s a Choose Your Own Adventure book, it’s not hard to believe that if our partner can make decisions that we don’t have to or care to make that we would be thrilled. But you’re also right when you say it wouldn’t be the case if they are doing it to be in manipulative and dominant. People should learn when dating an INTP that we are free spirited and if you’re going to make the bulk of decisions for us it’s simply because we are allowing you to.

      • Lana-INTP says:

        I married an ESTJ for this reason. He is a rational thinker like me, but is great at all the things I suck at. In return, I’m great at all the things he sucks at. We work together perfectly. But ONLY because he respects my needs and vice versa and we are both very open and logical about it.

        I need to just sit quietly think at times, which is ok as he’s a kinetic thinker and likes to go off and do 500 things by himself while thinking through a problem. We will then meet up again and compare notes.

        He is amazing at social events (which can terrify me at times) and will stay at my side and act as a buffer if I’m shy or awkward. It never phases him like it does me. I know I can always rely on him, so I feel more secure with him around. He’s like an anchor for me.

        He gets so much done in a day that it constantly amazes me. He’s like a machine! But he loves the fact that I can come up with a million and one ideas on the spot. He can then pick one and go off and get it done. We both think the other one is a genius! I have learned not to be so lazy around him. Not because he expects me to be like him, but just because his motivation is sort of infectious sometimes.

        I’m a big worrier and will stress and over think every little thing if left by myself. He can just cut through all of that, find patterns and create something out of all the loose ends in my head, and calm me down instantly. He stops my indecisiveness taking over, and in return I’ve taught him to stop being such a workaholic all the time.

        We are a perfect match, but only because we both acknowledge how the other one thinks and acts and don’t try to force the other to change. I’ll admit, I actually like him taking a more dominant role but some people might not. It depends on the individual.

        • TwoMindsINTP says:

          Excellent case of complementary types! Your relationship sounds ideal to me. My indecisiveness got worse in a marriage with a J though. No one is perfect, but I still dream (in vane) of a partner that stays amazing after he’s ‘caught’ me.

  • This hits the nail on the head. INTP female here

  • Intp_femme says:

    Another female INTP here. This article describes me perfectly. Lost in my thoughts, check. Accepting of others, check. Afraid of commitment, check. Independent, check. Love the idea of adjoining duplexes.

  • I Just found out today I am also a INTP!! Turns out I’m not crazy =)

  • I am an INTP female and have been quite resistant to relationships because men typically don’t get me. It can be quite lonely waiting for that special person who will allow you me the freedom to be me. If you’re not a damsel in distress or an airhead men are stumped.

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