INFP Love: 4 Things To Know About INFPs to Prevent Frustration

Written by Acaxochitl Cavazos
INFPs are highly idealistic and take great care in choosing a partner. 

INFPs spend years analyzing what works to keep them happy in a relationship. This probably has to do with our natural tendency to love with our whole being. This soul-baring type of affection can leave an INFP emotionally vulnerable, so we are not going to fall for just any old charmer. Ultimately, you must be willing to do some work to win the love of an INFP.

INFPs are very private and may send off mixed signals when they are undecided about their feelings for you.

Don’t expect an INFP to gush over you initially. In fact, INFPs sometimes have the habit of acting indifferent towards potential mates, making it impossible for you to flirt with them. This is especially true if you are a new crush, or you are someone new in our life. INFPs can almost always pick up on your intentions or feelings, but we will take great care never to reveal our own, devoting most of our energy to testing and observing whether we can be with you long term. Is this more than a fling? Will you fit in our little web of weirdness? Once you’ve passed our screening, you will definitely see a different side of us.

Like many INFPs, I was never good at flirting. I never say anything I don’t really mean, so trying to be charming to someone I don’t know just so that I can keep his attention just seems pointless. I imagine that engaging a new person of interest would be really hard for a male INFP because of the social pressure that dictates that men must initiate romance.

As private as we may seem about love, we are incredibly affectionate when we do fall in love. There is an incredibly romantic, sentimental being that lies just below the surface of an INFP’s reserved exterior. Once a commitment has been made, we will learn all about your likes and dislikes, and we will make it a point to hold your hand or kiss you every chance we get. These are no small things for an INFP.

We may not ask for it, but FYI, we need just as much affection in return. This tendency to not articulate our needs can be a little hard for our partners who may not be as intuitive, and might not be able to read all of the signs we think we’re sending out. A good idea is to always check in with your INFP partner, because they aren’t likely to always express how they’re feeling as much as other personality types.

All relationships are viewed as great learning experiences for the INFP.

If an INFP chooses you, expect a lot of time exploring the deeper meanings of life. Your INFP likely has ideas about everything and can’t wait to debate political or social theory with you. Your INFP will value you for whatever knowledge and life experience that makes you unique, and they will want to discuss all of the things you might create together.

INFPs are looking for the one person who truly gets us.

If you haven’t guessed by now, one does not simply date an INFP. INFPs are not looking for a one night stand. If you can’t handle a deep conversation at midnight or enjoy our cat stories, you may have to find someone else. INFPs are always assessing their growth, and they hope to find that one person who is all about new horizons as well. Don’t expect an INFP to just sit back with you, have a few beers, and grow complacent. Understand that stagnation spells death to an INFP, so be ready to follow them into uncharted territory- having fun along the way.




About the author

Acaxochitl Cavazos

Acaxochitl is a writer, artist, and Reiki healer. You can find some of her latest works at Connect with her on twitter @acaxochitl11


  • Please do something similar for ISTJ. I’m an INFP male so I’ll let you draw the conclusion about why such an article interests me. This is great stuff and I identify with so much of it.

    • Haha! I hope you find the info you’re looking for. 🙂 I can relate to a lot of this as an ENFP woman with a very close INFP guy friend who (I *think*) *may* be falling in love with me…but it’s hard to say due to all of the above. He seems to run so hot and cold; it’s really hard for me and it hurts a lot. 🙁 But he can so easily be hurt by me that I think it’s safe to say his emotions are really tied into how I treat him. He’s such a sweetheart when he’s in his open, communicative mood. <3

  • This is amazing! Really enjoyed reading this. INFP lady. 🙂 Well thought out and spot on.

  • I don’t know if this applies to all, if not most, INFP. In my case, I am lucky to be able to talk some deep midnight chats with the guys I get attracted with without them thinking like I’m a freak. I have a feeling they feel the same enjoyment talking with me about those stuffs. AND YET my indecisiveness often thwart whatever attraction there maybe. Despite being a Feeler, I won’t risk making commitment merely out of attraction and understanding others would often take longer time compared to the fast-paced dating the world is accustomed to that either the other person backs out or I would intentionally distance myself to avoid the latter from happening.

  • Quite fitting. I might add that we also have trouble dating people wearing masks, used to hiding parts of their personality. I also always have a hard time with questions a la „do you want a gf?“ or „are you searching for someone?“ or other logic approaches.

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